For true success, it matters what our goals are. The lowest score wins. Golfing? Which is the easiest golf stroke? Tahiti. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Go to the golf course. Its to move on. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. See you in the Email! And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Why are golf and sex so similar? Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. They have been there where we are standing now. You need to adjust your grip. "Golf is like a love affair. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! The end. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Your email address will not be published. Do you know why the game is called golf? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Lee Trevino, 59. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? It bends a little to the left. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Two rounds a day are plenty. . This post may contain affiliate links. And it's damn funny. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. On a golf course, nature is neutered. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. clubs. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. 3. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Golf is more complicated than that. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. First and foremost, you must have confidence. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. 21. Jim Murray. fodrizzle. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Learn More. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. 6. Knock, knock Dirt your body. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Two, be your own person. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? 5. Fore! Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Dean Martin, He loved the game. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? I like big putts and I cannot lie. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Fantastic 4-some. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Achieve more with each and every round you play. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. He was puttering around. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Whos there? A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. And it matters how we go about attaining them. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. 7. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." My shaft is bent. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. A dinner without wine. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. You look like someone who likes to swing. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! So, what are your thoughts? Basketball is a sport for black men. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! You must remember not to remember to think. Sir W.G. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. I had a hole in nothing. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. 3 of 10. They like cricket better. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. I . Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Just tap it in. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. 22. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. Are you a water hazard? I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? It can be difficult. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. The fourth putt! How do you know you should be a golfer? Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Why dont skeletons play golf? Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Please add a link to this article. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Clubbing. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Your email address will not be published. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. The Dalai Lama himself. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Choose Why dont grasshoppers play golf? I am Jimmy, clown at heart. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! "If you break 100, watch your golf. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. All lip, no hole. Peter Jacobson, 33. I give him the driver. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. I chipped in from the rough! You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? but I can show you what is! Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Wodehouse, 31. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." The means are as important as the ends. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. 1. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Your email address will not be published. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. 8. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Golf Quotes About Life 22. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I've got some good news. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Check it out now! I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? You okay with that? Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. I'll let you beat me. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Clubbing. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Andy who? SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Hi there! Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. If you drink, dont drive. Putter Around. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. ~ George Bernard Shaw. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. 5. Noah who? And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. ", Boo who? My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. A hole in one of a kind model. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Because you got me soaking wet. Just ask my ex -wives. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. A great shot is when you pull it off. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Roarin' Mcllroy Such is the game. I am a Musician. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. 9. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Very interesting. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. When is it too wet to play golf? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. 2. Funny Family Poems. Sunday Service. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Sam Snead. Fore-get Me Nots. -Lee Trevino So what are you waiting for? I know what to look for. Nothing. The smile looks really good on you. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Golf is a lot like life. - Bobby Jones 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Dont even putt. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Hit the ball. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. If we . "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. The battle that raged inside each players head. Lift your head and spread your legs. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. when we were married," said the pouting wife.