Dont get hit by a car!! Id seriously question the value of marriage counseling at this point, unless hes willing to fundamentally change his views of his power over another adult. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. But it wont be easy. My colleagues and I used to parse the bulletins the U.S. Embassy put out about reported crimes against Americans, and so often you could read between the lines of someone trying to cover for a mistake. This doesnt excuse the behavior either way, but I think could be something to specifically discuss with him in addition to the other suggestions people have here. It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go. We can take care of ourselves. When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. He would also get mad at my mom for not responding to his texts even when he knew she was driving somewhere. One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. And then he interprets the lack of disagreement as agreement. (like when one of his good friends turned 50). This is not a normal or healthy response from a spouse, and it needs to change. he needs to straighten hisstuffout. None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. This is a great comment. I think that there can be a tendency in intimate relationships to prioritize keeping the peace, and emphasizing why thats a bad idea here and confirming that giving into the husbands demands and not going on the trip should be off the table is valuable coming from someone who gives advice about workplace stuff. It ended up taking us 16 hours, but I didn't think it was bad at all. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. We went off the beaten track and it was just like any other city. July 3 2022. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationwhere is ryan blankenship today. This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. He might have a collection of like-minded friends who really would agree with him. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. Casinos are closely monitored and have security, and its a very touristy city, so I imagine there are a lot of people out and about at night (at least near the strip). No, but I feel like almost every thread, somebody chimes in with an armchair anxiety diagnosis. But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. However, the husband is being ridiculous. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". I really dont like the taste of alcohol. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. We all had a blast. apply jobappnetwork com elior; farmington, ct homes for sale by owner We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. My husband was recently sent to Vegas for a week on two days notice and my response was pretty much the same. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! They are for sure marketing themselves as a place you can party it up (and you certainly can do that) but again, thats not unwholesome in and of itself. I wish this would have been the first comment because it frames the issue perfectly. I agree with Allison though, this is a situation that requires some heavy duty marriage counseling no matter what. Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. I agree with Allison I think marriage counseling may be a good think to look into. Absolutely. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. See some shows, enjoy some good food, go on a nice hike. But if all your life experiences back it up, its not until youre faced with a new point of view (i.e., your wife goes on a business trip) that any of these beliefs even come to the surface. If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. You can also rent a ballroom or a conference hall for insanely cheap. If its an anxiety or OCD issue, there are specific skills that partners and caregivers need to learn to support treatment goals and avoid inadvertently rewarding the problematic thoughts and behaviors. I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. Youre five minutes late? Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. My husband of 23 years has never objected to any business trips Ive taken (not even the week-long trip to the Bahamas when our daughter was 8 months old), so Im chiming in to say that whats going on with your husband is super abnormal in my experience. There are few things worse than insisting that your partner go to therapy, and then having them misrepresent the situation and use therapy to validate themselves. The only sides are you both addressing a bad frame of reference that your spouse has. The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. Unlikely if its not part of her character, but certainly more possible than in Eerie, Pennsylvania. Look at it again. With NUNS. Same with mine. That actually happened to my parents! Hes not Master of the House. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. A person who wants to cheat will cheat even if the business trip is in Dayton, OH, or they will cheat even in their hometown. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. Yeah. Husband needs to chill, big time. Umm, so Im not sure how to say this in away that wont come off snarky, so let me apologize in advance for not be able to think of a good way to word this: This was not a questions for AAM. We are leaving Saturday for a vacation on Florida. Yes!! She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. Work trips tend to not be fun because you spend the whole time WORKING and have no time to go out and have fun. I also worry about my spouse traveling without me. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. I second counseling. Is it indulging in a pleasurable vice? One doesnt just spontaneously undo decades of enculturation, on either side, and women are taught that we are *supposed* to accept emotional baggage AND that it is OUR JOB to do the emotional labor of fixing other peoples negative emotional states. Also she is sole provider for family? Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. In the end, she chose her career and her child (who was 4 years old then) over her husband, because she eventually realized that this behavior was not normal, and was not a reflection on her. Bucks. He easily sleeps 4 hours. rarely cede ground. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. Or maybe its anxiety fueling a control issue, but I highly doubt that anxiety treatment will help. In neither case do I think you should stay home, and I think youre best able to answer the question of his motivations, and how to deal with them long term. vacation without ever spending a single quarter in a slot machine! You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. Because reallyif the intent is there, a spouse can cheat anywhere. Did they make the decision she would be the primary breadwinner or is it something that came out of him losing his job or having a job that doesnt pay as much as hers? Its tough but definitely not impossible. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. M.M. I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. Oooh, Ive heard of the mob museum. Yall need some marriage counseling. Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. As someone in the convention industry, Vegas puts a LOT of effort into being a top convention destination (low cost, lots of large all-in-one spaces, lots of options for event entertainment), and pretty much every industry will have events that rotate through there. Ive been to Vegas many, many times. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. Im good at what I do and I dont want to be made to feel bad because of it. Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! This. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. Yes, its off the strip, but my room was GIGANTIC. I have friend who grossly exaggerates the number of people who support his stance, nevermind the the biasing in surveying. Having a neutral third party is really useful. Later I saw an art exhibit. I absolutely dread this. If you're able to, I would think about flying. He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. Ive been to very big conferences in cities that cant really handle them, and its obnoxious to have to wait in line for 30 minutes to get coffee or make a hotel room reservation months and months in advance. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). ALSO, there is nothing inherently unwholesome about prostitution OR gambling. This was not such a culture. We felt safe walking around at 2AM. So give yourself permission to stop trying, OP. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. (No, actually, a real list.) While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. Iasked ifI could come. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. Anxiety is also a real possibility and I hate how offhandedly its been dismissed in most comments. It really sounds like your husband is trying to control you. Go on the trip and have a drink while youre at it. But he needs to sit down, fix a drink (I prefer Earl Grey, YMMV), and look at his actions and the state of his marriage. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. walk. That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). Tell him to get over himself. Theres a weird dichotomy with that place. Close Menu. Give me a conference in Vegas any day. Hello thanks for the comment but I do work I manage over 400 rental properties and Im a professional gardener for a estate. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. At first I was shocked, but that was only due to the misconceptions about that place. Youre obviously free to disagree, but I think its archaic and not okay. I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip. Theres like 1 hour of down time. (Of course, I live in New Orleans, where we do not need to seek out extra liveliness.) A good couples counselor who can handle the individual issues after using the couple-relationship to establish a good rapport with an individual who is resistant to treatment in a traditional one-on-one setting is not a bad way to start tackling these issues, and has the added bonus of giving the OP an opportunity to select a therapist she trusts. In Vegas, these things are part of the fabric of the city. But yes, OP, this does smell of jealousy. Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? Marriage counseling is good for her so she can express her love for me without sounding like a hypochondriac. You are agood person for trying tobond with your husbands family. Surely you jest! Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. If you miss out on a promotion or are the first let go in the layoffs because you refused to go to this conference, you will look back on this with regret. It means the relationship ran its course and isnt bringing the two of you what you need any more, and thats sad, but its also not unusual. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . If so, maybe its just a weird fixationbut if he often has nervous, fearful, or otherwise disproportionate reactions to things, it might be worth seeing if he can get some help with that. I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. According to my in-laws, any apartment within walking distance of a Mexican restaurant had to be in a horrible and crime-infested part of town. She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. Maybe its the way he framed it to his friends, or maybe he wasnt being completely honest about that. If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go. I do NOT like it because OMG ALL THE NOISE ALL THE TIME, but I didnt ever feel unsafe. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. We have been arguing and I just don't know what to do. 33 answers. People women, even! OP, this is HIS issue, not yours. Almost every hotel on the strip has some sort of tourist attractions be it rides, shows, or other types of attractions and you can spend the entire day walking from hotel to hotel to see what they offer and have a great (and relatively cheap!) They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. But it could be so many other things as well. Yeah the strip can be crazy but so can Disney World. Should I never go anywhere? Your husband also seems really unduly anxious about Las Vegas. ), but yes, getting reinforcement on the anxiety (in this case from the friends the husband surveyed) can definitely make things worse. This screams abuser and it will only get worse. I have to comment on this one. ^ +1000, this was the most mind-boggling to me as well. Don't exhaust yourselves. A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. This is really weird and honestly, bordering on abusive (at the very least controlling). You have to have the autonomy in your relationship to perform the required duties of your job; its not like youre going to shaking it on top of a table at the Cosmopolitan. If he refuses to go, go alone. Its hot and windy and dry and sand gets every where. (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. Everyones mileage will vary of course, but thats the choice I made. Statistically, the most dangerous part of this trip is the car drive to the airport. I went for the first time over the summer. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! Yeah, I sometimes hear about people who really want a job with a lot of work travel, or people who think being a flight attendant would be really glamorous, and Im just like meh. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! While that is a choice that some people wouldnt want to make, an annual business trip is very common. ), and Im excited to stay at Mandalay Bay because they have an aquarium. Vegas strip is basically just that a massive neon strip mall with lots of people. Sounds great. My mom has cooled off a bit now that Im almost 40 (!! I could care less about gambling and night time shenanigans. You know, because men never get kidnapped or roofied. You dont deserve to be treated that way. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. Yup. July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . I just love when you have the oh you too? moment with strangers on the internet. Im so sorry, Emma. Because a healthy, loving partner does not do this. Just stayed at a swanky suite in the Venetian with a view of the strip for $140/night. IMO once you start catering to this kind of thing, it does not ever get better. Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. I talked to a financial planner about my divorce before I decided to go through with it, and it turns out she and I married the same guy too! I agree. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out.